One Year of Writing Later...

One year of writing. 

One year of fingers feeling out the words between pen and paper, keys and screens. 

One year of plodding through the various answers to “who am I now?”

One year of looking farther beyond the horizon than I can barely see

One year of looking at what is right in front of me. 

I sat down next to a friend* due to a sweet invitation 

Come, sit next to me on a screen and flush out what might be for you in the new year

With a community of other moms and artists

Caught off guard by calling (me?) an artist, ignoring imposterous voices

I said yes, of course, I’ll be there. 

How kind

Almost a year ago, I looked at 2D faces yet heard flesh and blood 

Hopes and heartaches in high definition 

Looking at you helped me see me 

This year I wanted to inspect myself, see who was really here

Under the guise of mom, there used to be more 

There was still more 

I will not bore you with my month to month synopsis

Change is hardly accounted for in days and events, though we try 

To earmark the moment “everything changed”

That’s true for novels but not for real life, as an author** once wrote 

I can only see the stark difference now

A year later

It’s in how I hold myself. 

How I talk to myself 

How I envision the future 

How I am not afraid to say, “Yes, I am a writer.” 

How I am not afraid to sit in the space within myself and ponder 

If anything, showing up once a month to a blog space has proven 

To myself that nothing can shake who God has made me to be 

Childbearing nor child-raising 

Postpartum anger nor grief 

Moving, and moving again 

Great distances or smaller still 

Can separate me from the love of God

Can separate me from the beloved creation that is 

Myself

With thirty six words left to capture the year. 

I’ll leave myself with this. 

There is more yet to come

There is more yet to be seen 

There is more yet to be loved

Within me

This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series "365 Words".

* Thank you Aly for inviting me to Exhale New Year reflection time almost a year ago. Thank you for seeing the artist in me even though you were just getting to know me. How wonderfully fitting that we’re linked together on the blog hop this month.

** Currently reading “You Could Make This Place Beautiful” by Maggie Smith and like most great writers, her voice is so sticky that it’s flowing out of my writing and I’ll let it be for now. Also, the only reason I’m reading this book is because it was on the Exhale book club list and it’s just now hitting my Libby account. Another great thing to come out of this creative mom group!