Epiphanytide
How many epiphanies do we get in a life?
I wasn't sure if I was going to get another one. Maybe this was what losing your faith felt like, and if I could lose mine it must not have been that strong.
But no, I knew that wasn't true. Years of speaking gospel truth to college students, to myself, you need a strong faith to do that over and over again staring into apathetic eyes.
Maybe that's why I was so mad at not hearing from God. I knew how much I loved Him, how much I believed, how much I served, sacrificed...
And now, in this dark pit of life circumstances, of terrible thoughts and feelings, it felt like... He was gone.
A year later, I'm still sitting in church. And the Bible passage that broke through the silence is being preached - Jesus turning water into wine - such a frivolous miracle! Such a small stakes story. And it's told that this is a staple of the liturgical calendar at this time of year, Epiphanytide of all names for a season.
How strange that a year ago, in a random audio book, this very passage was spoken over us at the same time it was being preached, read, prayed, meditated on - around the world in thousands of churches and languages. In Dylan's parents living room, in our hearts.
Here's the message, because you might be wondering why this whimsical miracle would or even could make such a mark, set us free, be an epiphany if you will.
Did you know God wants you to have fun?
That he wants you to laugh? To brim with possibility? To enjoy everything and everyone around you?
I don't know why this can feel like a trick question or that it must come with a conjuction (and, but, if). BUT this is the description of the kingdom of God aka his end goal.
What I was living in - suck it up, cost of discipleship, take your cross up and follow me, crucifix stuff.
Many things can be true. And some things can be wrong for the moment. This is why God's word for you is not always the word for someone else and why God's word to you is not a universal truth for everyone in that moment.
Because yes, sometimes we have to make a decision that comes with pain and loss and we choose to sacrifice for the sake of good and Christ, and wow do we have a Savior that has shown the way and promised that we will face these moments if we choose to follow Him.
But we also follow Christ, who's first miracle was turning water into 30 gallons of wine at a wedding to keep the party going.
Christ is both, and so are we.
Both of these truths are... true, but one was wrong for us. One was not what God wanted for us in that moment of our story, praise God.
Sometimes, God whispers in His merciful voice, "pick up your religious water vessels of your life and I will fill it with wine, overflowing with wine, to keep the party going."